Still Waking Up From Imposter Syndrome
It seems I have a lot to say about Imposter Syndrome. When I sat down to write this, I remembered publishing a story called “Waking Up From Imposter Syndrome” (May 2019). I did not remember its follow-up titled “Outgrowing My Imposter Syndrome” (November 2019). So I thought THIS was the follow-up. Turns out this is the follow-up to the follow-up. Will there be more? Maybe. Write what you know and that readers can relate to.
In the November story, I wrote, “I find that imposter syndrome tends to ebb and flow. We don’t conquer our demons and never have to deal with them again. Instead, it’s an ongoing process.”
And herein lies evidence of that.
This new story shares thoughts I’ve recently had, some of which were poured into my journal.
Saturday, March 12, 2022 — after listening to a talk about imposter syndrome:
Yesterday I received insights about mine, Six months [almost to the day], I feel capable….Tasks that previously caused anxiety are easy, or I feel an iota of worry before my inner voice tells me, “You’ve got this. Slow down. Relax.”
(Slightly edited. )
My imposter syndrome used to tell me, “Contract work is good for me. By the time my employer realizes that I suck, it’s time to go.” and “Contract work suits me. By the time I can no longer use ‘I’m new’ as an excuse, it’s time to go.” Those were my inner negative voices.
I used to outwardly frame it as me being a superhero, in to solve problems and out again. Inside, I felt anything but superhero-like. Intellectually I know that this framing is also true. It’s true, and so was the fear of not being good enough, capable, as skilled as others, subject to being found out or fired any time.
I once sabotaged myself and got fired because of imposter syndrome and perfectionism. I froze and didn’t deliver. Expectations weren’t clear, and I was not confident that I was good enough to do the job I was hired for.
I swore I would never let my insecurities cost me a job again. It never has. Self-sabotage snapped me out.