More Thoughts on Anthony Bourdain

Photo by Zoey Tien on Unsplash

Logically I know that mental illness doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter how many friends or fans you have, how much success, how much money, or how awesome your life is. Your inner gremlins don’t care. Your inner demons will seek to spread their darkness.

And still, a part of me is still surprised about Anthony Bourdain’s suicide.

[What’s below is stream-of-consciousness typing. What’s above was written in my head earlier.]

And yet, still…

…He had success… but the darkness doesn’t discriminate.

…He had friends all over the world… but the darkness doesn’t discriminate.

…He had a fantastic girlfriend… but the darkness doesn’t discriminate.


I’ve read about his dark thoughts, in his own words, and that’s another reason I shouldn’t be surprised.

My social media feeds are full of tributes from people who knew him, of course, but so many people I know met him at least once. One local restaurateur was a friend of his. I’m part of the culinary industry both as a former food blogger and via my partner. People we know wrote about him, sat with him, ate with him, drank with him. There are a couple of episodes of his shows that feature Toronto and people I know were among Bourdain’s “tour guides.” From what I’ve read, Anthony Bourdain was a very generous man with a very generous spirit.

I think that sometimes the generous ones give so much that they forget to give to themselves. I wonder how much time that Anthony had for self-care. I wonder if he was so busy looking after other people that he forgot to look after himself.

I don’t think I’m done writing about this topic. Putting it on Medium feels necessary.

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